Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We left the knife in your bed.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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