so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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