I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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