We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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