It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize