The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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