are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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