i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
