The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
