Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
