2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize