moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
