3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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