There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
