I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
This toilet bowl is my home.
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