We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
