So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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