well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
