I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
