That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I love having hate sex.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
