HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
