you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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