6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
