Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
