let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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