I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
