those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
