Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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