I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
