Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
