Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
