This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
