I just pynch a tree in the face
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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