Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
