Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I think my fart just growled at me.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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