I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize