What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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