even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
