good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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