my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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