Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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