last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
