youre lurking in front of me
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
