He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
