I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Damn victory sex feels great
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