dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
