But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
