Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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