im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
