Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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