Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
