I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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