I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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