well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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