I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
