Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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