I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just want to make out with him forever
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
