help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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