I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
