My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
