DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
