i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
