On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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