weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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