I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
you never un-have a 4some
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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