I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
