Do you still have your period?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
