I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
