come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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