The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He felt like a one man threesome
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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