end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
PANTIES FOUND
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